supernormal

Anatomy of a fight scene, slashers vs. westerns

Consider this a prelude to the Fight Scene essay currently… somewhere on the horizon. I’m still figuring out Supernormal, while also trying to maintain any kind of social life. So let’s take it one bite at a time: specifically, I’m thinking about the difference between a slasher chase scene and a Western shootout.

The case study here: No Country’s shootout.

(By the way, if all this slasher/No Country talk is making you long for a return to the days where I just talked about Marvel a bunch, imagine having to think about this stuff all the time. I put a bucket out front of my valet trash door because I’m half expecting a guy in a welder’s mask to bust through a butcher me.)

But, okay, watch the scene. Or don’t. I’ll give a quick shot-for-shot: Moss gets into a pickup truck (this is after jumping from a hotel window to escape Anton Chigurh), and tries talking to the driver; a bullet comes through the window and tears through the driver’s throat; Moss drives a short distance through gunfire, then dives out and hides behind a car; Chigurh notices a blood trail, and dives to avoid a shotgun blast from Moss. Chigurh disappears, end scene.

Compare that to the shootout with Angel’s guys in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (I won’t embed any more videos, but that link does open on Clint Eastwood doing his best cowboy thing) and part of Alice’s fight with Mrs. Voorhees in Friday the 13th.

Hey, quick intermission, did you know there’s a Wikipedia page on the “Political life of Clint Eastwood“? He legalized eating ice cream in California. Anyway.

Some immediate differences spring to mind. Let’s start in favor of the Western.

No Country’s scene is a shootout. It’s about guns. I mean, there is a gun in the Friday fight, but it never goes off. Slasher fights are way more environmental. They’re desperate struggles.

Point to slasher, No Country’s is a desperate fight. Tons of blood loss. No one really “hides” in a Western shootout. Sometimes they take cover, but you can see in the TGBU scene it’s mostly just a lot of men standing still and shooting at each other, and then one of them dies.

Speaking of, Western shootouts are pretty much men. Slasher fights are pretty much boy versus girl. (Friday notwitshtanding.)

That is, “men” plural — the spaghetti Western is typically a lone cowboy versus a band of outlaws, though it’s not a hard and fast rule — and “boy”/”girl” singular. It’s rare that multiples are alive to take on the slasher.

Chigurh actually does take a big hit, though he doesn’t show it in this scene. That’s not actually inline with either genre. Westerns are one-hit affairs, whereas the Final Girl takes all sorts of damage before dealing a surprise blow on the killer. But since they always come back for the next scene or next movie, like Anton, I’d give this one on balance to the slasher.

So that’s what, three, three and a half points to slasher? Plus a dead bystander at the outset of the scene, which is huge slashe? I’ll admit to confirmation bias here, but I’m lying if I say this is a purely scientific endeavor. When I saw the No Country scene, I felt real tension rather than a cool power trip. This is me trying to explain why this shootout was so brutal, not me trying to persuade you. Although by now you should be persuaded. (If not, you’ve got a Supernormal post to look forward to.)

I watched Scream VI

 

Someone walking up to a theater stage with black-cloaked mannequins arranged in a half circle.

Sort of like the Pentiment review, I’ll acknowledge up front that we’re well in the spoiler window for this movie that came out literally yesterday. I plan on avoiding spoilers, but I’m not going to try too hard — no specifics, but broad strokes. For my spoiler-free moviegoing opinion… it was fun! I had a good time!

What follows is my “guy with a Substack” opinion. And I’m not going to do it in a numbered list, because I mostly just have one point I want to explore.

My difficulty is this: I enjoy criticism, but I don’t love being critical about things. Generally, I’d rather love more things than less things. Or rather, I am very often the guy in the group chat who says things like “the writing was so bad,” or “how did all of the relevant characters get to the climactic location so fast,” or “why does everyone call him a trickster god if in every single action sequence he just punches around until some plot twists happen and we learn that he never had anything up his sleeve to begin with.” I don’t love being that person. But I do think it’s important to be thoughtful about media — it’s the best compliment you can give!

Point is, I won’t pick a star rating or anything like that. I pretty much liked Bilge Ebiri’s review for Vulture and Monica Castillo’s for Roger Ebert if you’re looking for someone to show their work. Really great set pieces. Those who like watching people throw things at Ghostface will have a good time.

Here’s the big thorn in my side though: every single reviewer is taking it on trust that this is even a slasher movie. And like… Did we watch the same movie? I’m not trying to be pretentious here, Scream VI is a completely serviceable action movie. But it’s an action movie! Slashers are a subset of horror, and horror kind of has to be subversive. Nothing in Scream VI was uncomfortable, because it wasn’t actually doing anything. Instead, it did what all “too big to fail” franchises do: it made itself about found family. Because family is the most universal, inoffensive, nothing-at-all theme for a movie to be about. You all put your hands in before the climax, “Go team!,” you fight, you win, you fade out on “Red Right Hand.”

I’m not exaggerating — the crew has this whole “core four” chant. It’s kind of cute? But it turns the movie into a feel good triumph of friendship over adversity rather than something dangerous. Every character that you badly want to live, lives. Nothing surprising happens. At all. Like John McClane picking the glass out of his feet and trotting along to the next gunfight, a stab wound in a Scream movie is an inconvenience that barely survives the cutaway.

(For what it’s worth, I haven’t seen any of the original Scream sequels. These movies do tend to think about the bonds between characters more than your average slasher.)

Friday the 13th, for example: that the characters have pre-existing relationships is mostly incidental. When bodies start dropping, none of that matters beyond an “I should go look for her.” A Nightmare on Elm Street shows people really worrying about each other, but that doesn’t stop what’s coming. In Scream VI — and maybe Scream V? I can’t remember — worry is a balm, the ultimate painkiller, antiseptic, and suture all rolled into one. If only you, the audience, believes it, your favorite character will rise from certain death.

One point about slashers made by Carol J. Clover (whose work I talked about in the Psycho/Friday the 13th post), which I really loved, is that sequels are more like retellings. No matter what entry you watch — or even which franchise — you can expect most of the same archetypes, situations, and themes. They’re like campfire stories in that way. Scream VI isn’t like that. It trades the Final Girl for the Final Four; the dumb horniness for the chaste brushing of hands; the tooth-and-nail survival for the quippy fight scene; the incompetent male hanger-on for the himbo savior.

So what does that make this movie? A bloodier-than-average Avengers or Fast and the Furious thing — way more fun than either of those, actually. And for the record, fun is more than enough to justify a movie ticket in my view.

Oh, and the subway scene. That ruled.

And while I’m down here in the grab bag, a two other thoughts. And these WILL be a numbered list!

  1. Shame on the New Yorkers reviewing this movie like “oh, New York is portrayed unrealistically” and, “out-of-towners might notice a few missing major landmarks.” New York is a fake city. Saying your movie is set in NYC is the equivalent of saying “don’t think about it too hard, it’s a city OK?” No one cares except for New Yorkers — just like if a movie is ever set in Kansas City I’ll be bummed if it’s filmed in Vancouver, but I think I might have to keep dreaming on that one.
  2. Jenna Ortega is a universal treasure. And Mason Gooding! What a great cast!

I watched Psycho and Friday the 13th

A model of the "Bates Motel, No Vacancy" sign from Psycho. it's surrounded by taxidermy birds.

Like I said, I’m on a slasher kick right now. I didn’t plan it to align with the release of Scream VI, and while I do plan to see it, I don’t want to rush around in the name of relevance or whatever. In return, I’ll do a two for one. First up, Psycho.

  1. So a lot of sources, especially academic sources, trace Psycho as the major influence on the slasher genre, presaging the Golden Age of slashers — between Halloween (1978) and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Which, by the way, you can track a similar life cycle for other genre Golden Ages: the Western started with your traditional upstanding white-hat stuff, but as the public lost interest directors got more experimental. The Searchers (1956) is considered the best Western, but it’s thought of for its more psychological elements. Spaghetti Westerns came the decade after, like The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966), which is actually the best Western.
  2. Oh, yeah, so Psycho. It’s funny — I don’t have a ton of evidence for this, but I feel like Psycho had a lot of reverse whodunnit DNA. The psychoanalyst literally does a parlor room scene at the end. Could you trace some lineage from mystery, to thriller, to slasher? Would that lineage include The Bat, which like Psycho had some of the earliest spoiler warnings?
  3. Carol J. Clover named the “Final Girl” archetype, and she points out that out of the Final Girl comes pretty much every difference between Psycho and more straight up slashers. I liked the clever planning in Psycho, but it was pretty distributed between leads. Slashers are partially defined by the ineptitude of everyone but the Final Girl.

And Friday the 13th!

  1. Less to say about this one. It was a tough watch. The snake that gets killed early on is real — which, bummer, I watched Friday the 13th instead of Halloween because I heard a dog dies in Halloween, but the real life dog is A-OK. And, you know, it’s not a very sensitive movie. Just a disclaimer, I guess.
  2. It didn’t have a lot of plot. That’s not a knock on it, it’s sort of what I expected, but I didn’t expect the degree to which it’s just disconnected killings. More modern slashers, I feel like, try much harder to tie things together. Not to talk out of class or anything, but from some interviews I’ve read I feel like the director, Sean Cunningham, was really just pulling stuff out of his ass. Which worked, all things considered.
  3. Carol J. Clover also pointed out how genre is similar to folklore, with “free exchange of themes” and “archetypal characters.” Sequels are “better taken as remakes than sequels.” I thought that was neat! All of Clover’s slasher scholarship is extremely neat! (Also, jumping back to Psycho, I’m interested in the interaction between an auteur “artwork” versus a folkloric genre. That, I think is the big big difference between Psycho and the slasher.)
  4. One unmitigated positive: the score. Particularly the “ki ki ki, ma ma ma.” When I learned (just moments ago) that it’s from the syllables “kill her, mommy,” my heart sank because of how unimaginably dumb that is. Then it soared again, tetherball-like, because it’s actually extremely good. Ah, the human condition.

Marvel movies will not save the world

From Raquel S Benedict’s “Healthy Junk Media and the SnackWell Effect” — it’s short, and I’m choosing from many great quotes here, so just go read it actually:

And on the other side, unapologetically indulgent junk is a hell of a lot more satisfying than bland diet junk. Not all junk food is created equal. An In-N-Out cheeseburger is much tastier than a Trekking-Mahlzeiten canned cheeseburger, just as Blade is an unquestionably better vampire flick than Morbius.

A really great essay, and the first time I’ve had to really grapple with the worthiness of whatever it is I’m doing here! Not in a bad way, in like a really great way. These ideas should always be in conversation. Essays like this one raise good questions, and in clarifying your own answers to those questions you clarify you understanding of the world as a whole. Of popcorn movies, in this case.

What I learned: I agree with Benedict that Marvel movies will not save the world. What I do want to take seriously is the emotional experiences that individuals can have with those movies! And of course, I agree that if something is going to be trash, it had better be hot trash.

Level one wormhole

 

An early level of Dishonored 2. A security checkpoint is overhung with a banner reading "Her Majesty Delilah Kaldwin."

 

Repetition eventually leads to boredom. Sometimes one repeat is enough to make something interesting, less interesting. That means that novelty, that surprise, is somehow core to our experience of fun.

We’ve all had that “if only I could experience it for the first time again” wish. Usually, though, the star that wish gets wished upon is some front-of-the-brain emotional experience. I’ve never really agreed with it. The ways in which stories affect us are indelible with the context in which we experience them. They don’t just impact us, they inpact who we are at a moment in time.  Watching or reading or hearing or playing a moment for the first time again doesn’t guarantee it’ll hit the same notes again. I’m not saying that experience is fragile — it probably would still move you. But what you treasure isn’t the thing, it’s that experience you had with the thing.

The same is less true of fun (as distinct from “front-of-the-brain”). I think contextlessness is a core component of fun, though I might refine or change my mind on that later. But fun is sort of an aesthetic experience more than an emotional one. What I mean is, fun matches with an emotional experience but doesn’t constitute one on its own. Fun, a light moment of distraction, in your darkest moment will probably create a moving memory of joy when you needed it most. Or maybe the thrill of winning your first chess tournament, of having everything click, will stay with you. I don’t think it’s the fun causing that experience to crystallize though.

Does that make any sense? I feel like I’m hitting onto something, but it’s actually not the point I wanted to make.

I’m thinking of a phenomenon that anyone who plays lots of video games will recognize, but one that I’m not sure has a name. I loved Dishonored. I wanted to love Dishonored 2. In trying to fall in love with it, I’ve started the game a half a dozen times and never gotten very far. Each time I restart, I diminish the chances I’ll ever love the game, because starting means playing through the same level I’ve played six times now. I’m working through a part of the game that bores me in an attempt to discover a part of the game that doesn’t. Until someone corrects me that this does have a name, I’m calling it the “level one wormhole”: when, in playing a game partway through many times, you will have seen the first level exhaustingly more times than the later ones.

I played Undead Burg in Dark Souls so many times, I don’t know if I’ll ever see Anor Londo again. My friends tell me Mount & Blade is great, but if I have to look at my raggedy band of green fighters on the overland map one more time, I’ll become exactly the kind of void-eyed beserker I always descend to out of boredom with those early fights.

What’s the solution? Can fun escape the level one wormhole?

A concept in game design that I really love, one that Halo designer Jaime Griesemer put really well:

In Halo 1, there was maybe 30 seconds of fun that happened over and over and over and over again. And so, if you can get 30 seconds of fun, you can pretty much stretch that out to be an entire game.

You can describe so much of a game’s identity by identifying the length of its game loop. Is it a 10-second loop, 30 seconds, two minutes?

Griesemer goes on to say that you have to express those 30 seconds in many different environments — why is a firefight across the top of a moving train diferent from a firefight on an arctic mountainside — but I really don’t know that that’s necessary. What’s the loop length of chess? Would it be fair to say it’s the time between making your move and your opponent responding? Chess takes place on just the one 64-square environment, but that it’s competetive means your opponent will always present novel outcomes.

I mention chess because it’s maybe the premier example of a game that doesn’t get old. For most of us chess gets boring after a while, but for a substantial community repetition is part of the game’s charm. That’s the paradox I think I’ve been grappling worth: novelty is fun, but so is mastery. And it’s boring to relive the same five minutes over and over, but it’s really fun to relive the same 30 seconds. It accelerates mastery.

All of these are concepts I’ll be revisiting — I didn’t predict the layers that would present themselves until I started writing. Which is good! That’s what writing is for!

What it’s got me wanting to do, is apply this abstract thinking to the practical issue of getting myself to enjoy Dishonored 2. Take myself to fun boot camp.

Add it to the list of projects, along with action and the aesthetics of creativity. In case you thought I’d forgotten.

Three more things I’ve been thinking about

Ian McKellan as Gandalf with his head in his hands in a greenscreen room.

Not to overwhelm with lists, but I’m not on an essay-writing clock right now and it’s the best way I can keep passing on things I love! Three recommendations:

  1. Jessica DeFino’s The Unpublishable would 1000% have made my list of model Substacks had I been lucky enough to discover it before writing that post. Something that’s become super important to me as I navigate my own Substack, is that writing about genre is often about masculinity. Fantasy and action and superheroes and horror and westerns often privelege a male point of view. So I’ve been really making an effort to circulate good feminism into my reading. The Unpublishable is about consumer beauty culture, and one of the major engines of beauty marketing is that upholding beauty standards is (sold as) fun!
  2. A legendary essay which the latest edition of The Unpublishable reminded me of: Everyone Is Beautiful and No One Is Horny. I need to give it a good reread, and also probably thumb through Blood Knife in general, so consider this me putting a pin in it.
  3. Not a recommendation per say, but I’m thinkin a lot about Ian McKellan on the set of The Hobbit. In case you didn’t know, he had what lots of publicaitons packaged as a “breakdown” on the almost completely greenscreened set. He’s been acting since 1958. Do you think anyone with a front seat to the increasing demand of publishers and the decreasing purchase of actors (and crew) would have responded any differently? Can we at least agree that using a greenscreen to film the interior of a house is a little much?

Will movies become games?

 

Two adults wearing futuristic VR headgear, in a theater with others wearing the same device. One eats out of a red and white paper cup.

I’m reading Flicker, a book by psychologist Jeffrey Zacks about what happens in our brains when we watch movies. Haven’t finished yet, so what I have to say is half-baked — suffice it to say I like the book, although I always surprise myself by not liking psychology very much — but it makes an argument that shows itself everywhere around the psychology of movies. Namely, it makes a case that films will sooner or later be usurped by, or otherwise incorporate elements of, video games.

Usually, the bones of this argument are something like:

  1. For a very long time, movies and video games didn’t exist.
  2. Then, movies did exist and video games didn’t. Movies became very popular, though they are sometimes criticized as a passive medium.
  3. Video games revealed new frontiers of interactivity in media, thereby solving the fatal flaw of movie watching.

C. Thi Nguyen, discoverer of the “stupid game” and archpriest of whatever it is I’m doing here, devotes the length of his book Games: Agency as Art (which came in the mail just before Flicker, and which I’m so excited to read) to defining the art form of games. He writes:

Games… are a distinct art form. They offer us access to a unique artistic horizon and a distinctive set of social goods. They are special as an art because they engage with human practicality — with our ability to decide and to do.

What irks me about the “movies will eventually become games” argument is that it assumes either that all art will converge into one perfected art form, or it denies that games are unique as a medium, instead supposing that they exist as some benign growth waiting to be reabsorbed into the body of other media.

Movies are new, but passive forms of engagement are not. Books, plays, operas, ballads, folk songs, water cooler conversations, murals, histories, oral tradition. Video games are new, but our ability to interfere with narratives is hardly new. At a campfire, you could always shout over the storyteller. Games in general are ancient.

Both forms need to exist. One emerges from our trust that other people have stories to tell, and that those stories are functionally or aesthetically useful; the other comes from our need for cognitive enrichment, for fun. Both inscribe some kind of information for posterity. Movies — and books, too, though in different specifics — write down narratives. C. Thi Nguyen argues that games inscribe mindsets, forms of agency, certain methods of engagement. His argument is really persuasive, from what all I’ve read so far.

Anyway, thank you letting me share my befuddlement with this problem. Not all art is either narrative or practical. A lot is neither. A lot is both. None would dominate the culture if they weren’t emerging naturally and, to some extent or another, necessesarily. Which makes it especially funny that, as far as I know, no interactive movie experiment (like Black Mirror: Bandersnatch) ever captured prolonged interest.

Cell phone novels

A young man on his phone next to an older man reading a book.

Four of Japan’s top five literary best sellers in 2007 were written on cell phones.

The authors of cell phone novels — associated mostly with women aged 10-29, the Twilight set — were limited by the technology of early smartphones, but that was fine. Limitations create art. Cell phone novels read line-by-line, rarely in paragraphs, and use white space to lend their narratives poetic luster. Here’s an example from takatsu’s Move:

Like a lost
soul

I swim through insomniac night
crowds

and stumble into
my tiny desolate
apartment

dropping my frozen
suitcase

Narrative precedes concerns like rhyme and meter. If you’re familiar with prose poems, you can think of cell phone novels like poem prose, optimized for a mobile screen. Fans read cell phone novels how they were written, i.e. over long commutes.

They weren’t light reading, though. Stories were “dark, sensational, and sexual.” The first cell phone novel, Deep Love, follows a young woman, Ayu, who turns to sex work to save her dying boyfriend. She dies of HIV. Ayu conveys this all in confidence, so that the line blurs between character, hurriedly outlining her story, and author, pouring themselves into their phone with little filter. Authors describe a personal connection to the content of their narratives — the word we’d use now is “self-insert” — although Deep Love itself was written by a man in his thirties.

(By the way, I had a ton of trouble accessing the classic cell phone novels — Deep LoveI, Girlfriend — because the genre lived and died in Japanese. It originated in 2002, the year of “Hot in Herre” and Die Another Day. I read mostly excerpts from the second-wave Western cell phone novels of 2008, the year of ghost peppers, Bitcoin, Quantum of SolaceMaho iLand, the usual haunt for cell phone novels, remains active and free to read.)

As the cell phone novel climbed in reputation, three basic viewpoints emerged.

  1. I sure do enjoy reading cell phone novels. (This was mostly the claim of young women, although by 2007 everyone from major publishers to literary critics had gotten a hand on the ball.)
  2. Cell phone novels will destroy the author and the novel. They’re poisoning the minds of young people ew icky gross.
  3. Aw, these are so precious. They’re almost like real literature!

The breezy style of cell phone novels, the sort of Notes app tone with no extensive editing, didn’t help their purchase with the literati. I see “substandard grammar.” I see “sudsy” and “cutesy.”

Even praises of the genre focused on its utility. Publishers reached out to cell phone novelists, offering them the chance to publish their work as a “proper book.” At least the girls are reading; maybe this whole cell phone fad will do some good; next they might read actual fiction.

It wasn’t all pretentious. National competitions recognized and uplifted talented young writers, outpourings of gratitude from fans flooded the often anonymous authors’ inboxes. And despite their grousing, traditional publishers did capitalize on popular cell phone novels, transmuting them into manga, anime, and “proper books.”

Keep reading.

Introducing: Supernormal

An old-timey illustration of a hand over a machine that looks like a speedometer.

Happy Substack Week.

Why is this celebration called Substack week? Because tomorrow I send out the very first post on my Substack — which I wanted to be a surprise, but I accidentally said the title and topic earlier this week. Whoops. This post will expound on what I’m hoping you get out of the newsletter, what I’m hoping to get out of the newsletter, and what that will mean for the blog. Without further ado…

Supernormal is a newsletter about fun. It’s written by me, Dayten Rose.

A stimulus is called “supernormal” when it exaggerates a natural stimulus. Supernormal responses are bigger than naturally evolved responses. Candy is a supernormal stimulus.

I want to convince you that fun is an aesthetic experience worth talking about. You can think of this newsletter as a sort of culinary review of candy, except we’ll talk about action movies, Twister, magic tricks, horoscopes, and other things that everybody loves but nobody takes seriously

The general argument I want to make with Supernormal is this: distinctions between “high” and “low” culture are arbitrary, the things that most people enjoy are equally worthy of criticsm as things that an enlightened few enjoy, and people who are critical of fun are actually critical of power structures. I’ll be making this case every other week (pending) via medium-length essays (also pending) about ways that people have fun.

My ideal Supernormal post will be something like a more robust, better researched version of my astrology post, the guns in games post, and the Backrooms post. You’ll notice I wasn’t 100% positive about the Backrooms. While I generally prefer to love more things than less things, I do believe that there’s such a thing as bad art. But pop culture deserves to be treated as art. If Citizen Kane is art, so is Die Hard.

While I have ever intention and desire to keep up daily posting, it just doesn’t make sense for me to juggle completely distinct writing projects. It doesn’t fit into my life right now. Although if I had many many adoring Substack subscribers, that could change…

So, you may see more collection posts. I may also use this space to workshop ideas for Supernormal, so as to be efficient with the time I can spend on writing. For example, tomorrow’s post to this blog will be a part of tomorrow’s Supernormal post. That also means if you follow both, then there’ll be a surprise factor.

If you don’t want to see how the sausage gets made… please follow the Substack! I care much more about my success there than here. Or come back every now and again and see what I’ve been posting. But I would appreciate it if I’m not sending this thing out to like, the three people at work who I’ve told about it.

Ultimately, I want to make a strong case for fun, and I want to develop a community that cares about fun. My hobbies have always been embarrassing — I play a lot of video games, I play a lot of D&D, I watch a lot of YouTube video essays, and I watched more Westerns than Oscar nominees in 2022. When the icebreaker question is “What do you do for fun?,” I freeze. But I’ve always had a stubborn streak, and I want to put my foot down. Fun is good. It drives more behavior than we admit.

And I’m going to try and prove it to you. Tomorrow’s post: the cell phone novel.

A party favor, since if you’re reading this you are almost certainly among the 15 people in the world who will have followed Supernormal from day -1: the picture is a sthenometer, a device created to measure “nervous force.” It comes from Paul Joire’s 1916 book Psychical and Supernormal Phenomena. It didn’t work.

Starsign people will inherit the earth

A Celestial map from Planisphærium cœleste.

Amanda Montell talks in Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism about how astrology — and TikTok tarot readings, crystals, online alt-spiritualism — gained popularity as a reprieve for people who are marginalized by mainstream complexes of belief. Spirituality, it turns out, is highly marketable. Systems that corner the market on metaphysics tend to feed their beneficiaries well. As with every power structure, lots of people get left out in the lurch, except this time the usual haggardness of inequity comes with the kicker that your soul is also somehow lesser. You’re poor because you don’t work hard enough; you aren’t slim because you don’t eat well; and your soul is unfit for salvation.

So, we seek beliefs that don’t resemble the beliefs of powerful people. You could be stuck in an elevator with a medical doctor, with a priest, with a Fortune 500 CEO, but once you’ve mastered something beyond their control they can’t touch you.

What, you keep your emergency fund in a savings account instead of an ETF?”

I don’t know, that sounds like a pretty Libra thing to do…”

Or something. You can at least steal some of their social capital.

None of this is groundbreaking — which, good, because it’s also not my area of study. Research at the intersection of faith and discrimination is vital and has been pursued at length by people who aren’t me. But among many failings I’ve overcome with effort, I used to be an “astrology is bogus” guy. It’s not bogus! It’s populist! I had invented someone in my head who discriminates againts others based on starsign. I imagined someone who decided everything only after watching the sky.

(If that’s someone you know, I ask you this: What do you use to make big decisions? Intuition?)

Now I actually respect astrology, way more than I ever thought I would. It’s an extremely robust system. It never demands that you hate somebody because of their astral chart, it always offers you some way to judge after seeing. “I usually hate Capricorns, but we get along so well! Oh, your Venus is in Sag? That explains it.” Better still, it actually demands that you have a conversation with somebody before deciding how you feel about them astrologically, since nothing about a person’s signs is written on their body.

Overwhelmingly, people I’ve spoken to who are into astrology, even extremely into astrology, tell me it’s mostly for fun. It’s a frame of cognitive play, a highly complex exercise in pattern-finding. Horoscopes prompt us to remember things and direct our attention along paths they otherwise wouldn’t tread. And, sure, I don’t know — if there’s some subvisible squirm beneath the skin of the cosmos, the motion of the stars may manifest there as well as anywhere else.

I’m Cancer sun, Pisces moon, Leo rising btw.