I went ahead and took an impromptu break from the blog. Not that I have to explain myself, but I think it’d be useful to talk a little about my creative life lately and why the blog ended up getting cut. And what I plan for it in the future!
- As proud as I was of my streak with daily posting, back in March I took a trip to St. Louis and missed a day. I’d already prepared to forgive myself — it seemed unlikely I’d post every day till I died. But that permission made me way more willing to leave the blog this week.
- Recently I’ve been trying to make some lifestyle changes. What’s weird about changing your sleep schedule, for example, is that it feels like a whole day’s work. So I’ve been feeling busy, plus trying to manage two writing projects at once for the Substack. It’s been really hard, and I’m still putting way too much into each piece. Learning a lot! But I’ve been super stressed about the platform lately.
- That stress makes it really hard to do explorative writing. I actually got to knuckle down on my Substack essay by falling back on the process, but I’m not getting excited about a lot of new ideas. Plus, since Substack feels like where my writing can have a life outside of myself, if I have an hour to sit down then I’ll be writing essays, not blog posts.
- Explorative writing is what this blog is about. Since I’m overwhelmed by two ideas right now, I guess I’m not eager to add more. But the blog is also a lot of what helps me feel like a writer.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m glad that my self-esteem isn’t so tied up in routine, and I’m willing to set aside a project if it feels unhappy.
Last point: I’m a big proponent of building systems rather than forcing behavior, and if the blog doesn’t fit into my natural creative life then I need to address that. But the blog has also done a lot for me, and may be worth the extra effort.
For now I’m gonna get this essay going so I can bask in the glow of my achievement, then I’ll figure out where it all went wrong.